


Strawberry shortcake

by Royal_hold_em



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, kinda slice of life, mostly very gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-06-10 07:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6945619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Royal_hold_em/pseuds/Royal_hold_em
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima ends up having to pretend being Bokuto's boyfriend for a week. Kuroo's totally fine with it, Akaashi is absolutely not stalking anyone, and nobody's gay.</p><p>"Perhaps that it's all those negative karma points that you've collected over the years finally ending up biting you in the ass, muses Kuroo.<br/>-Why does everybody constantly act as if I had murdered my whole family at the age of four and like to mutilate small animals in my spare time ? Replies Tsukishima, looking mildly bothered at best.<br/>-That's a bit harsh. I'd rather say that you're a deeply flawed individual.<br/>-Nicely put.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's not gay if it's for your bro

* * *

 

“I told Yachi that you were going out with Bokuto.”

Tsukishima simply snickers.

“Very funny, Yamaguchi, he says without looking up from his phone."

"I'm not kidding, Tsukki.”

Yamaguchi freezes when he sees Tsukishima starring blankly at him. Both of their lunch remain half eaten on Kei's desk ; the latter because he seems to never be hungry, and Tadashi because he was way too anxious thinking about this conversation to eat.

“Did you think that I wouldn't yell at you if you told me this in a crowded classroom ? Inquires Tsukishima. Because I'm letting you know that it won't stop me from hitting you in the face with a chair.”

Yamaguchi knows that there's really nothing more alarming than an apparently calm Kei when he's angry ; he can feel little drops of sweat forming on his forehead.

“It just...it just kind of happened, Tsukki, manages to stutter Yamaguchi. It won't happen again."

"And what do you want me to say ? “Oh, no problem Tadashi. You apparently told your girlfriend that I'm gay and romantically involved with Fukurodani volleyball team's captain, but I'm totally cool with it.”

They remain silent at that. Yamaguchi can feel his ears and cheeks getting redder with each passing second, until Tsukishima finally asks, disbelief in his voice :

“Why on earth would you even do that, anyway ?"

"Because...because Yachi felt bad for you."

"Yeah ? Well, go on. Enlighten me on the subject."

"Since we're...since she and I...well, since we're going out...she has noticed that you don't like to hang out with us."

"What a surprise. I wonder why I don't like to be the third wheel to two socially awkward people like you."

"I get it, but Yachi thought...she thought that you seemed to be kind of lonely without me."

"Fantastic. It's only getting better."

"At some point, she has decided that she would find someone to date you. So we could go on double dates or something and you wouldn't be left alone anymore. She figured that it would be easy, with all the girls asking you out. But since you said no every time..."

"So what ? Having a girlfriend means caring for someone that isn't me. I'm not ready for this kind of commitment.”

Tsukishima's knuckles have gone white, and Yamaguchi is very concerned that maybe he won't mind using a chair to hit him.

“I was afraid that...maybe...she would feel too guilty and break up with me."

"So you told her that I'm going out with Bokuto. There's absolutely nothing disturbing with that."

"It's not ! I panicked and it's the first name that came to my mind. Beside, it's not that bad. He doesn't even go to our school and Yachi puts the long distance relationship on you constant bad mood.”

The sound of the bell signaling the end of the lunch break is Yamaguchi's salvation. As everybody is beginning to regain their desk, he manages to gather the last remaining drops of bravery that he has.

“Tsukki...you do know that Fukurodani and Nekoma's team are coming over for practice matches next week, right ?"

"So ? Are you going to ask me to pretend to be Bokuto's boyfriend since we're at it ?”

* * *

 

Tsukishima still finds it hard to believe that Yamaguchi has had the guts to say yes.

When Kei had regained his desk, he had reached such a point of anger that he had dissociated the whole period in order not to get up and kick Tadashi's sorry ass. And now, after his busy week-end spent ignoring anyone attempting to even make eye contact with him, it's finally time. Tsukishima had imagined his golden week differently than wasted playing volleyball the whole holiday, and yet here he is.

Kei really doesn't feel ready at all, which is ridiculous considering the fact that he isn't going to pretend being anybody's boyfriend. He considers not going, for a second, but Daichi is no fool and yes, their captain's face can get unsettling when he's angry. So he heads to the gymnasium feeling slightly – very slightly – anxious.

“Hey, Stingyshima.”

It really isn't a good time for Hinata to be trying his patience, but Tsukishima manages to keep his calm somehow.

“Revealing you presence was a smart move, Hinata. I hadn't seen you. I could have stomped on you by accident."

"Why do you always have to try to hurt people's self esteem ?"

"Just because. What do you want ?"

"It's not that important. I just wanted to know if you know why Yamaguchi asked me to ask Kenma to ask Kuroo to ask Bokuto's phone number.”

Tsukishima knows the instant they step into the gymnasium. He thinks, No way that this bastard did that. The rest of the team is already there, waiting for them. Yachi dares to attempt a shy smile to welcome them, and next to her stands Yamaguchi, who appears to be on the verge of passing out.

“Fukurodani and Nekoma's teams should be here at any minute now, says Ukai. I expect an exemplar behavior from all of you, as they have drove all the way here for us.”

Tsukishima promptly ignores him.

“Yamaguchi, he says. I'm gonna make a coat out of your skin and wear it to your funeral.”

Tadashi makes a weird sound between the groan of an hurt animal and a squeal. Suga and Daichi look stunned, much like two parents who heard their child swear for the first time.

The gymnasium's door bursts open.

Kuroo's team is the first to enter, followed by Fukurodani. Akaashi has a little worm candy in his hair, and he looks even more tired than usual. Even trough his rage, Tsukishima manages to feel sorry for the poor guy who obviously had to make the bus trip next to Bokuto. The later is excitedly looking around, apparently well and rested, until he spots Tsukishima.

“Babe !”

Everybody's looking around, obviously concerned about possibly being the one called “babe” by Bokuto. Tsukishima knows who's the unlucky lade, and he makes a step toward Yamaguchi with the firm intention of strangling him when there's suddenly an arm heavily thrown around his shoulders.

“How I missed you ! Babbles Bokuto. You know what ? If I wasn't in my third year, I would totally have transferred to Karasuno just to see you everyday."

"Back the fuck off, you soggy owlet, says Tsukishima.”

He's admittedly losing is cool. With his awful anxieties and general uneasiness when it comes to phone, Tsukishima had never imagined that Yamaguchi would have the guts to phone to Bokuto to warn him about the situation, all this ridiculous effort just so Yachi wouldn't know he had lied to her. And yet, here they are.

“Ok, what's going on here ? Asks Kuroo with a frankly concerned expression. I feel like I've missed some key elements.”

Everyone's starring at them, and Tsukishima really wish that he was dead.

* * *

 

“There's nothing wrong with pretending to be another dude's boyfriend if it's to save your bro's couple.”

Noya's words come out as weirdly wise. It actually happens unexplainably often. But Tsukishima is no foul ; even if everybody's nodding to assert Noya's affirmation, he still knows that there's no way he's gonna do it. They all gathered in the changing room after the confusion in the gymnasium, and Yamaguchi had then proceed to explained the situation with a shaky voice.

“I don't get how you can be in a relationship for two weeks and already have such an obvious lie right under you girlfriend's nose, says Kuroo who looks disturbingly entertained by the situation. You do realize that you'll end up single when she'll find out, right ?"

"That's the whole point, replies Tsukishima. He's using me as a sacrifice to save his couple. I can't believe that people say that I'm the bad friend of the two."

"Hey, it's not a sacrifice, says Bokuto obviously hurt. I'm a great boyfriend. Beside, you should really learn to relax once in a while. This whole thing really isn't such a big deal.”

Tsukishima knows it, deep down. Just like he knows that Bokuto doesn't have anything to do with it – his only fault had been to accept to help Yamaguchi – or that even if the whole school was to know that he's supposedly gay, no will ever have the guts to say anything about it ; he may be built like a particularly tall french fry, his reputation of cool, cold, and borderline mean guy follows him. But still. His chances to have a girlfriend are ruined. He's not surprised to see that he doesn't care, but he decides that it's a valid reason to act pissed.

“Fine then, says Tsukishima. I'll do it. But I'm taking the day off.”

He picks up his sport bag and exit the room under very frail protestation ; even Kageyama doesn't dare to do much more than mutter a weak “dumbass”. Tsukishima's walk home is very quiet. Yamaguchi isn't there to babbles about the day, and he isn't in the mood to put on his earphone. Being left alone with his thoughts doesn't seem like a very good idea, but it's what he does anyway.

He likes his life nice and quiet, and being involved in this kind of weird situation is very far from his ideal. He thinks about what Bokuto said about it not being such a big deal and he wonders, just for a second, if he would have said the same thing if they weren't just pretending. It's a stupid thought to have, but it's here anyway. Would any of his team mate look at him differently, then ? He comes to the conclusion that maybe, but that it would affect him as much as the loss of his lunchbox last week ; it would be slightly inconvenient but ultimately remain ineffective on his daily life.

“Kei ? What are you already doing home ? Didn't you have volleyball practice with other teams ?”

Akiteru looks ridiculously worried as always. Tsukishima is fond of it just as much as he finds it gross.

“It's nothing. I was tired. I'll go tomorrow.”

* * *

 

Akaashi is quiet certain that this whole situation is nothing more than a cheap trick to get Bokuto to reveal all of his team's moves to Karasuno.

He just can't bring himself to believe that around thirty boys have by some sort of mysterious mutual agreement decided to all pretend that two of them are going out, just to save the freshly formed couple of one of them. Everything about it is very perplexing to Akaashi, not to mention that he doesn't get why Bokuto has accepted in the first place.

He doesn't even dig blond.

“Akaashi."

"Yes ?"

"I don't like those hotel's mattresses. It feels like sleeping on a boulder."

"I'm sorry about that, Bokuto.”

Akaashi wonders if maybe he finally fell asleep on the bus trip to Miyagi and all of this is just a very disturbing and vivid dream. But, he decides, is first theory seems less rickety. Bokuto is naturally obvious to the whole situation. Luckily, Akaashi is there ; as the vice-captain, his job is to take Bokuto's place whenever the latter gets too carried away with one of his new antic, and it seems to be the case right now.

“I don't like hotels. But this hotel's all right though. The food's good. Man, I wish that it could be morning already just so I could eat."

"That's understandable."

"I was imagining my golden week spent differently. But I don't mind all that much as long as I can play volleyball. I wish that I could have gone to the beach, though. Maybe that I could have played beach volley and impressed some cute girls with my skills. Maybe that I could be going out with someone else than Saltishima, then.”

Akaashi decides that it's time to take the matter into his own hands.

* * *

 

 


	2. Straight as an uncooked noodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Neither, replies Tsukishima.   
> -Another secret boyfriend, maybe ?   
> -Do you want me to shove this volleyball up your ass, maybe ?  
> -That was kinda gay.  
> -That was a mistake.”

The second day of practice is way better than the first.

Things are as normal as they can be given the situation, even though Bokuto has the tendency to wink at Tsukishima or gives him affectionate slap on the back whenever he sees Yachi glancing at them ; she seems perfectly content with the situation, and so does Yamaguchi.

“Are you stalking me ?”

Tsukishima is in the process of washing is hands and Akaashi is slowly drying them with a piece of paper.

“What ? Says Akaashi, his ton as neutral as his face. No.

-I've gone to the bathroom five times in two hours just to check. You've followed me every time.

-So ? I've got a weak bladder.”

Tsukishima doesn't really knows what business Fukurodani's vice captain has with him, but it's quiet obvious that there's something. He quickly decides that he doesn't care enough to bother finding out what it might be. He shrugs, and go back to the court feeling slightly annoyed.

“Are you using the bathroom to avoid Bokuto or is it that you ate something you shouldn't have ?”

Kuroo's face is all red and covered with a layer of sweat, but he still manages to look up to mischief.

“Neither, replies Tsukishima.

-Another secret boyfriend, maybe ?

-Do you want me to shove this volleyball up your ass, maybe ?

-That was kinda gay.

-That was a mistake.”

Kuroo takes a sip of his water bottle.

“That's our team against yours. You're lucky, you're gonna have Bokuto cheering for you the whole match.

-How lucky indeed.”

Suga then waves to Tsukishima ; with a great sigh and a pat on the shoulder from Kuroo, he jogs slowly to the rest of the team.

“You look even more dead inside than usual, Stingyshima, says Hinata.

-That's not true, replies Kageyama. He has always this dead fish kind of expression.

-We should probably get ready, quickly suggests Daichi.”

Tsukishima would like to tell him that at this point, he just doesn't care anymore, but he walks to the net without a word. The match begins, and it feels kind of nice ; things are quickly getting intense, and Tsukishima doesn't have the time to look at what on earth might Bokuto be doing. Kageyama and Hinata are doing their odd quick strike, which is completely focusing the attention on them, and it's just fine like that.

Actually, Tsukishima almost feels content. Almost.

“You go, my strawberry shortcake !

-Who the hell told him about that ?”

Receiving a spike straight to the head doesn't feel good. It's the first thing that thinks Tsukishima, the second being “What the hell am I doing on the floor ?”. He vaguely recognizes Yamamoto's voice yelling “Shit !” and can only assumes that he has something to do with the situation.

“Tsukki ! Please, don't be dead. You can't die hating me. I'll never...

-Move, Yamaguchi.”

Suga's worried face appears in Tsukishima's field of view. It's quickly followed by all of Karasuno's team faces. Gross, he immediately thinks.

“Did he just say that we were gross ?

-Shut up, Tanaka. Tsukishima, are you ok ? Can you tell me today's date ? The location ? Can you..Is it...Are you ok ?

-I'm feeling like hitting someone. In the face. With a brick. Or something approaching. Really, anything would be fine.”

Suga sighs of relief.

“I guess that it's not too bad, he says. He's acting like usual.”

Not too bad isn't necessary the term that would have used Tsukishima, as he feels about the same as if a tractor had drove over his face, but he supposes that things could have been worse.

Who is he kidding, really.

“I'm sorry, dude, says Yamamoto. If that can help you feel better, I would have reacted the same as you if Bokuto had called me his strawbe...

-I think that...I think that I'll bring him to the infirmary.

-I'd rather bath in acid, Yamaguchi.

-Well, then, since it's my team's fault for having almost smashed open one of your middle blocker's head, I'll do it.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Tsukishima can see that everyone's staring at Kuroo.

“That's surprisingly considerate, prudently says Daichi.

-What ? Why does everyone assumes that I'm such an awful person, honestly ?”

No one answer the question. Instead, they help Tsukishima gets up, which is roughly the equivalent of trying to rise a fallen giraffe, as Noya puts it. There's not one witty comment that comes to Kei's mind, and that's when he realizes that maybe he got hit harder than he had imagined. He accepts Kuroo's shoulder to help him walk without a word.

“Are you actually alright ? Asks Kuroo once they have exited the gymnasium. Yamamoto's spike are pretty harsh.

-You can say it like that, yeah. To be honest, I thought that I was dead for a second. I wouldn't have mind.”

They make the rest of the walk in silence, and once they reach the infirmary, Kuroo explains the situation before Tsukishima can say a word. The nurse's examination last a while. Kuroo's still there, though, leaning in the frame of the door ; probably too worried that Kei might sue Yamamoto just for the fun of it if ever he ends up with a concussion, muses Tsukishima.

“You're fine, finally says the nurse with her best reassuring smile. You should probably rest for a while, though. Don't go back on the court for the rest of the day.”

There's the sound of a phone in another room, and the nurse leave, just like that. The tension quickly grows to be awkward, but the feeling of having been trampled by a bunch of cows is still too present for Tsukishima to care.

“Strawberry shortcake, announces Kuroo. What was that about ?”

-That was my favorite food. It's ruined, though. I'm gonna have to find something else.

-How could Bokuto know about something that obscure ?

-Yamaguchi.

-Oh. The betrayal never stops, I see. He must really want to keep his couple alive.”

Kei does know that Kuroo's only saying that because he feels joy at tormenting people, but still. There's no denying that Yamaguchi has been thinking quiet a lot with his dick rather than his brain those past few days, and it upsets Tsukishima to think that he choose someone that stupid to be his best friend.

“I want to sleep until this shitty week's over. I bet that it'll only get worst from here, though. I don't even know how that could be possible, but I can sense it.

-Perhaps that it's all those negative karma points that you've collected over the years finally ending up biting you in the ass, muses Kuroo.

-Why does everybody constantly act as if I had murdered my whole family at the age of four and like to mutilate small animals in my spare time ? Replies Tsukishima, looking mildly bothered at best.

-That's a bit harsh. I'd rather say that you're a deeply flawed individual.

-Nicely put.”

It takes Tsukishima a while to proceed that it's not actually a compliment at all ; by the time he does, Kuroo has left his spot by the door and is sitting next to him. There's a thoughtful expression on his face.

“You know, to be honest, even I can admit that those last couple of days haven't been easy on you.

-Thanks for noticing. Bokuto's a nightmare. I think that his vice-captain is stalking me.

-Akaashi ? I don't know. He's supposed to be the normal of the two. It would be a huge disappointment if he wasn't.”

Kei had is sentence perfectly planned “Well, you should get ready to be disappointed then” when Kuroo kiss him.

How weird, he thinks. Kuroo's sweating profusely and he looks terrible with his hair sticking to his face. Tsukishima suspects that he looks even worse. He thinks that it's very likely that they both look very awkward – at least it's how he feels – but then again, he also thought that Kuroo was straight as an uncooked noodle, so really, who knows.

Kei dissociates, kind of. He wonders if maybe he's just laying comatose on the court, but quickly comes back to his senses ; his unconscious isn't that fucked up. The moment probably doesn't last more than three seconds, and yet, Tsukishima feels that he's been there, Kuroo's sweaty face against his, for about thirty days.

It all ends as weirdly as it begun. Kuroo breaks away from Tsukishima almost offensively fast, and he's looking pretty startled, which is something that Kei can understand. But still, he feels the need to ask.

“Are you fucking kidding me ?”

But Kuroo has already left.

 

* * *

“I don't know how it happened. We were just talking about how shitty have been things for him lately, and the second after, I was kissing him. How do you even kiss another dude on impulse ?”

Kuroo's laying on his bed – the mattress really is terrible, he thinks – but he somehow manages to give Kenma an hopeful side glance.

“Would you kiss another dude on impulse ?

-Probably not.”

Kenma isn't even holding his phone, which is a bad sign. Actually, he pretty much dropped it when Kuroo had announced him that he had accidentally kissed Tsukishima.

“I was hoping for a yes, admits Kuroo. Ok, just put yourself in perspective. Are you really sure that you wouldn't...

-Yes, Kuroo, I'm sure. I mean...what's wrong with you ? It could have been anybody else, really, I wouldn't have cared. And I still don't really care. But Tsukishima ? You could eat a spoonful of salt for the same effect.”

It's not that Kuroo doesn't think exactly the same as Kenma, because he does. Really. But he likes to hang out with the other middle blocker, just because Kei can say things like “thank you” when someone tells him that he's an awful person.

“Maybe that I'm just turned on by terrible people. Maybe it's got nothing to do with being gay.”

Kenma's sitting on the bed next to Kuroo's. Even if he's looking at him upside down, Kuroo can see his best friend making his very peculiar “That was stupid. Be better.” face.

“What did he do anyway ? Tsukishima, I mean. You probably traumatized him.

-He asked me if I was fucking kidding him. I wish that I could have stayed one more second, just to be able to say “Neither”.

-That's not funny, Kuroo.”

Indeed. Kuroo doesn't think that it is at all. He genuinely likes Tsukishima – in a friendly way, that is- and he doesn't want things to end that abruptly just because his dick suddenly and unexpectedly took the control of his body.

“Do you think that I should try to talk to him ? Asks Kuroo after a moment. Say that it was...I don't know, a bet or something.

-That's stupid. Is there even something to talk about ?

-That's a surprisingly good point. What's should I do, then ?

-I don't know. I'd never end up in this kind of terrible situation. But I guess that if I very hypothetically did, I'd probably act as if nothing happened. I feel that he's the kind of guy who'd act that way, too.”

Kenma then grabs his phone and proceed to lay on his bed in a fetal position ; it's the signal that trying to talk to him now would be pointless. Kuroo doesn't need any more help, anyway. He knows what he's got to do, which is nothing at all.

* * *

Akaashi understands what's bugging him on the third day.

Bokuto's acting just the same as usual – loud, annoying, and a bit of a show off without really meaning to – and everybody's fine with it. Tsukishima has at least the decency to look pissed when Bokuto comes up with a new absurdly sweet nickname.

Deep down, Akaashi knows that there's no point or valid reason to be angry. He shouldn't be mad at Bokuto just because he isn't as distracted as he should be, and yet, that's exactly what feels Akaashi.

“Okay, seriously, can you stop to follow me everywhere ?”

Tsukishima's standing in the middle of the street. He has his sport bag on a shoulder and a frankly pissed expression. Akaashi is awkwardly trying to tie his already tied shoe in an attempt to make his presence looks more casual.

“I don't know what you're talking about. I'm heading to the gymnasium, just like you are. Our meeting is merely pure happenstance.

-Sure. And you're stopping by Yamaguchi's house because...?”

Akaashi has the decency to stay quiet. Kei's looking at him with a mix of annoyance and arrogance, but there's something else as well ; a slight distress that makes Akaashi think that perhaps there is something on Tsukishima's mind that he doesn't know about.

It doesn't seem very likely, though. Akaashi has been stalking the guy for two days now in hope to catch Bokuto accidentally handing over informations about his team's tactic to his pretend boyfriend.

“I didn't know that you had stopped to be a drama queen and had made up with Yamaguchi, finally says Akaashi.

-Well, he doesn't know either. He isn't really a morning person, though. You might want to consider making your way to the gymnasium without me.

-Right.”

Akaashi leave Tsukishima in front of Yamaguchi's house, cheeks red but the same old tired expression still in place. His ego has been greatly damaged by the encounter. At least, he now knows that stalking people isn't his calling.

“Akaashi !”

The “k” sounds more like a “g” and the “a” is more of an “aaaaaa !” kinda noise. Akaashi doesn't know if Bokuto has never bothered to learn his proper name or if he's always that happy to see him that he can't spell it out like a normal human being.

“Bokuto, says Akaashi has an heavy arm is thrown over his shoulders. Nice to see you.

-Why did you leave without me ? Replies Bokuto. Did I do something or what ?

-No. I had, uh...stuffs to do.

-Stuffs ?

-Stuffs.”

Bokuto doesn't bother removing his arm ; it's apparently a very comfortable way to walk. Akaashi personally feels like a bovine pulling a plough. This detail apart, their walk is kind of nice. Maybe that it's the slightly hot and windy air calming him down somehow, but Bokuto is surprisingly quiet. Naturally, it doesn't last.

“Kuroo's been acting so weird yesterday.

-That definitely never happens.

-I asked him if Saltishima was alright, `cause the spike to the head was kind of my fault, you know ? And he was all like ”What ? What are you talking about ?”. So I told him that I was talking about whether Tsukishima was okay or not, and he looked so relieved, like...isn't being that happy talking about someone's concussion a bit fucked up ?”

Bokuto has let go of Akaashi's shoulders – which is just fine, really, because leaving his arm there any longer would have been just weird – and he looks up to the sky. He must be thinking about something because he wrinkles his nose the way that he does when he's got something on his mind.

“Everybody is just so weird, lately.

-Because, of course, you're not.

-What was that “of course” about ? I'm not weird. I'm just a really cool guy.”

Akaashi lets out a very light sneer, but it's enough to sets Bokuto on a rant on why he's the coolest captain in all of the prefecture. It happens quiet often, so Akaashi doesn't bother listening. Instead, he leave his thoughts wander freely, somewhere very mysterious at the back of his mind.

He wonders why he bothers to stick around Bokuto if he finds him that annoying. He wonders why it preoccupies him so much that Bokuto's alright with being somebody's fake boyfriend. He wonders why it makes him feel kind of a little something in his cold heart to think that maybe Bokuto can't spell his name correctly just because he's glad to see him. Then the realization hit him like a truck.

Okay, he thinks. I'm in love with Bokuto.

It's so simple that he's fine with it for one second. Then he feels very sorry for himself ; suddenly, he's this cliché dude who's in love with his painfully straight and oblivious best friend. It hurts so much Akaashi considers lighting a candle for himself when he gets home.

“Akaashi ? Are you okay ?

-Yeah. I'm great. I'm fine. I was just wondering if I left the stove on.

-What ?

-Never mind.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very grateful for everyone who took the time to read and like this humble piece of literature.   
> That said, I'm awful when it comes to decide when to post new chapters on my fics, so...it might happen a bit randomly, but since I've pretty much got the whole thing finished on my computer, at least it'll be complete one day.


	3. I won't get caught in this corny drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Some people are saying that maybe it's not just pretend.”  
> Kuroo stays silent at that. He then makes a little “ah” sound, as if someone had gently punched him in the stomach. Akaashi looks curiously at him.  
> “Are you going to tell me that you're in love with Bokuto as well ? Because that might be a problem.”   
> “What ? My god, no. I mean, I respect myself.”

Yamaguchi likes Tsukishima. He does. He really does.

Admittedly, sometimes, he has to remind himself that he does.

But ultimately, Yamaguchi knows that he'll never see Kei the way other people do. That's what he thought before this morning, anyway ; Tsukishima had been there, waiting for him in front of his house, just the way they always did before the whole Bokuto incident. Tadashi could have cried of relief.

“Hello, Tsukki.”

“Hello.”

“Are you...how are you doing ?”

“Fine.”

“Are you still...mad ?”

“Obviously I'd be there if I was.”

“Right. Look, Tsukki, I'm...”

“Let's not talk about it ever again.”

And then they had made their usual walk to the gymnasium, in a surprisingly comfortable silence. Yamaguchi had wanted to say something like “Thank you for not hating me after all” or “I'm glad that my presence doesn't make you feel the need to bath in acid anymore” but Tsukishima was this kind of person who accepts better apologies when they remain unspoken.

Then they had reached the gymnasium, and things had rapidly gone to shit. Kei had turned around, right before entering the building, and after checking that nobody was there, he had announced :

“Oh, by the way. Kuroo kissed me when he brought me to the infirmary yesterday. Have a good day.”

“What ? Are you kidding ? What is...Tsukki, come back ! You can't just say that and then...”

Expect that it's the moment Yamaguchi realized that Tsukishima could and would. Because his revenge had to be that twisted and ultimately more sour than a glass of lemon juice. And now, Tadashi is watching the match of Karasuno against Nekoma with a completely different perspective.

By this, he means that he's feeling the urge to punch both Tsukishima and Kuroo in the face and ask them if it's their idea of a joke. He'll naturally never do that – because he's too nice and filled with anxieties – but it doesn't stop him from proceeding to peel off his lower lip in frustration.

“You seem worried, observes Suga.”

He looks concerned, but it might be his neutral expression.

“I usually am, yeah.”

“Well...More than that, I mean.”

“No. Why...why would I be ? There's literally no reason for me to be. Worried. Or anything like that.”

The conversation dies with the grace of a pigeon flying into a window. Fortunately, Suga knows when to let things go ; “ok, then” he says with a kind smile before focusing his attention back on the game. Yamaguchi does the same. He watches as Kageyama tosses the ball to Hinata. He does one of his weird jump and spike the ball straight to Yaku. He sends it to Kenma, who tosses it to Kuroo.

Everything is very smooth until Tsukishima goes to block Kuroo's spike. During the moment the volleyball's floating in the air, they look at each other ; Yamaguchi can't help to think about what Tsukishima told him this morning and want to scream. But then, Kuroo does this small, awkward, step backward and Kei does just the same.

The ball fall with a _“tud”_ and the point goes to Karasuno, but everybody's exceptionally silent.

“What was that supposed to be ? Finally says Yaku. Some kind of new middle blocker technique ? Or perhaps you're practicing for fucking ballet ? “

“That was kind of hilarious, helpfully adds Bokuto. You looked ready for a whole choreography.”

Sensing something stupid coming, Ukai announces a break. It's the best thing that their coach has done in a long time, thinks Yamaguchi. When Tsukishima comes to sit next to him on the bench, he has to concentrate to keep his voice low.

“The thing that you told me this morning...that was...that was true ?”

”I told you so you'd torture yourself thinking about it. I'm not going to answer this question.”

“You don't really need to, to be honest.”

Tsukishima gives him a very annoyed side glance. It's so familiar that all Tadashi feels is relief that things are back to normal after all.

“I had a cramp, says Kei. That had nothing to do with...anything else.”

“You both had a cramp at the same time.”

“Exactly.”

Yamaguchi looks over at Nekoma's team. He sees Kuroo talking with Kenma in a corner, and he has the certainty that their conversation must sound quiet a lot like theirs. He mostly knows because Kenma looks terribly distressed as Kuroo's speaking, and the latter seems slightly less laid back than usual.

How strange, Yamaguchi muses. He likes to think that he and Tsukishima are great friends despite what people can think. That might be a bit silly of him, but it had never occurred to him that maybe there was things that Tsukishima didn't tell him. Like the fact that he was gay, for example.

Tadashi thinks about the way Kei had looked at Kuroo when he had dropped the volleyball. Jesus, he thinks. Was Tsukki fucking blushing ?

Yamaguchi sees Kuroo quickly glancing in their direction. It immediately sets his on edge ; he feels the irrational need to punch the guy in the face.

“That's...he's...that's not...no.”

“What ?”

“You can't do that.”

“Can't do what ?”

“You can't go out with Kuroo. Don't you see ? He looks fake ! And sinister !”

The fact that Yamaguchi yelled the last part has probably something to do with the “Are you guys ok ?” from Daichi. Tadashi offers him an apologizing smile.

“You know, if it's really bugging you that badly, you can just get on this bench and yell at the whole gymnasium that I've got a thing for volleyball team's captains, mutters Tsukishima. ”

“That's not what it is, Tsukki. I just want what's best for you.”

“You do realize that I'm not actually dating anyone, right ? I don't want to be caught in this kind of corny drama. It makes me want to puke.”

Yamaguchi doesn't have the heart to tell him that it's probably already too late.

 

* * *

 

“I don't know if I should ask, but I'm gonna give it a shot. What the hell are you doing ?”

Akaashi is sitting on the bathroom floor, his back against the white wall. He has his arms around his legs and his chin resting on his knees. Kuroo is a bit concerned by the miserable expression on Akaashi's face, mostly because he feels too gloomy himself to cheer anyone up right now.

“Nothing in particular. Just...thinking about life, you know ? It's meaning. The reason for our presence on earth.”

Kuroo is silent for a moment. He just wanted to wash is face before going back on the court, not listen to Akaashi's existential crisis.

“Have you ever had...feelings for someone. But you don't really know why, or where they're coming from. It's like, one day you wake up and you realize that you're in love. Or something like that. Even though it's irrational, because this person has the charisma of a goat.”

Kuroo thinks that it's kind of sad to see how much he can relates to the description. Immediately, there's a weirdly vivid image of Tsukishima before his eyes. “ _Pathetic_ ”, it says with cold eyes. Kuroo is bewildered to say the least.

“Last time I've seen someone that mortified, Bokuto had forgotten his volleyball short at home, says Akaashi from the floor.”

“Were you actually trying to tell me that you're in love with Bokuto ? Replies Kuroo.”

They stare at each other. Kuroo has come to the point where he isn't even that surprised that he's having this kind of conversation in the bathroom over breaks.

“Ok, maybe I was, admits Akaashi. So what ? Are you going to tell him ? I don't even care, he's going out with Karasuno's french fry.”

“Are you really jealous ? Asks Kuroo. My god, that's amazing. You do realize that it's all fake, right ?”

“Some people are saying that maybe it's not just pretend.”

Kuroo stays silent at that. He then makes a little “ _ah”_ sound, as if someone had gently punched him in the stomach. Akaashi looks curiously at him.

“Are you going to tell me that you're in love with Bokuto as well ? Because that might be a problem.”

“What ? My god, no. I mean, I respect myself.”

Instead of replying, Akaashi stares at Kuroo with slightly squinted eyes. Kuroo has the feeling, sometimes, that Akaashi can see through people with those dark sleepy eyes of his. Creepy, he thinks.

“You don't have to ask why, but I've been...following Tsukishima quiet a lot those past few days. He seems kinda weird, lately...and by that, I mean since he got hit in the face with this volleyball the other day.”

Kuroo can feel a thin layer of sweat forming on his forehead. He tries to keep his cool for the sake of his reputation.

“What happened in the infirmary ? Finally asks Akaashi.”

“Ok, I might have kissed him by accident, admits Kuroo. How did you know ?”

“I...didn't. I was living an happier life not knowing, to be honest. Incredible. And you're the one speaking about respecting yourself.”

Kuroo doesn't find anything to answer to that. He suddenly feels very tired. If I could go back in time and just ask Yamamoto to bring Tsukishima to the infirmary instead of doing it myself, then I'd do it, he thinks.

Maybe.  
  


* * *

 

Bokuto is in a very good mood ever since Yamaguchi sent him this text begging him to pretend being Tsukishima's boyfriend. He finds the situation frankly hilarious, not to mention useful ; all that he has to do is yell “Nice legs, Tsukki !” in the middle of a match to disrupt the entirety of Karasuno's team.

So Bokuto is pretty happy, or at least he thinks he should be. But he can't, not completely, because despite what people think, he sometimes notices things about people. About Akaashi, for example. He knows that his vice-captain has the tendency to look like a corpse walking around, but lately, it's even worse than usual. Yesterday, he saw him lying on the bench over a break and Bokuto had genuinely thought that the guy was dead.

Naturally, Bokuto did what any good captain would have done and tried to feed an extra portion of dinner to Akaashi yesterday, but without much success ; in fact, thinks Bokuto, it's as if the attention made Akaashi even gloomier.

“Akaashi. Are you mad at me ?”

“It's...Bokuto, it's fucking five AM. You should be sleeping.”

“So should you.”

He hears Akaashi sighing deeply over the loud snoring of the rest of his team.

“I'm not mad at you, Bokuto.”

“You can say that all you want, I wouldn't know if you're lying if I can't see your face.”

“So what ? Do you want me to climb in you're bed, look at you straight in the eyes, and tell you that I'm not mad ? It's not disturbing at all.”

“I mean, if you say it like that.”

Akaashi doesn't respond anything and Bokuto has no clue about what to add. It's a bit unsettling, because he's never left speechless, - even at five AM – but Akaashi's somber mood is making him weirdly bewildered.

Bokuto thinks only for one second before deciding that the best thing to do is to get up and tiptoe to Akaashi's bed ; he makes sure that it's his vice-captain's closed eyes he's looking at before crouching next to the bed.

“Are you mad at me ?”

Akaashi opens his eyes so quickly that Bokuto is afraid they might have popped out of their sockets for a second. His vice-captain looks so sincerely horrified to see him that Bokuto wonders if maybe he drooled all over his face in his sleep again.

“Bokuto, you can't do that to people. That's how you get punched in the face.”

“Come on, Akaashi. Just answer my question and I won't bother you ever again.”

Bokuto does realize that anybody else would already have knocked him unconscious with the bedside lamp a long time ago, and he's amazed as ever by Akaashi's patience. It's something that he doesn't have, but he's glad to know that as long as his vice-captain is around, it doesn't really matter.

“I'm not mad, Bokuto. This is just...”

“What ? Just what ? Talk to me, Akaashi.”

“It's...I wish that you would stop to bully Tsukishima.”

The first thing that comes to Bokuto mind is that it doesn't really count as bullying since all he ever did to Tsukishima is compliment the shape of his ass and comes up with sappy nicknames. The second thing is that he doesn't get why it bothers Akaashi, or even why it took him so long to say it out loud if it disturbs him that much. The third and final thing is :

“All right, then. I won't do it again.”

“No, forget about it. That was stupid, you can...”

“I'm serious.”

Akaashi looks slightly creeped out. Bokuto doesn't know what to make out of it, but even so, he doesn't change his mind.

“You don't have to. I mean, it's five in the morning and I don't know what I'm saying, to be honest.”

“It doesn't matter. It's just...I need my vice-captain alive and kicking, you know. So, if it can makes you happy...”

There's a loud snorting somewhere in the room. Bokuto looks up and see Konoha's face dimly lit by his phone's light ; Akaashi's expression goes from horrified to something that Bokuto just can't describe with words.

“You guys can carry on, says Konoha. You were getting pretty motional.”

Bokuto grabs Akaashi's pillow and is pleasantly surprised to see that his aim is as good with it than with a volleyball.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for having taken the time to read ! Each new hits makes me ridiculously happy.
> 
> On another note, I've made a weak attempt at editing the first chapter. Maybe that it's not better, maybe that it's worst, who knows, not me. To be honest, it's kind of really awkward to post something that's no in your native language, because it's like "Do I even make sense ?". I don't want to sound dramatic or anything, it's just something that I think each time I'm about to post a new chapter. 
> 
> Now, I know that I should probably find a beta reader or something. I guess that not being able to enjoy reading something because of stupid mistakes isn't too great either, but...I'm in the middle of my exams, so I barely have the time to post a new chapter before going back to my suffering.


	4. I'm asking for a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let's admit for one second...and it doesn't have anything to do with me, I'm just curious...let's admit that there's a guy. And this guy – he has really nothing to do with me – thinks that he's totally straight. Like, he loves girls with long black hair and nice skin. But then there's this other guy, with those great legs and fluffy hair, and the first guy is very lost because he acts really weirdly when he's around this dude....What does that mean ? I'm asking for a friend.”

* * *

 

“Kei, do you know who's the lanky, creepy looking guy in front of the house ?”

Tsukishima would have said Yamaguchi, but the description doesn't really match. Akiteru is peering outside from the kitchen window, and he kind of makes Kei think of a nosy old lady spending all her time watching her neighbors daily life as if it was a reality show.

“I don't...Oh, wait, never mind. I do know him, says Tsukishima after looking outside. I don't know why he knows my address though.”

“Hold on, is this guy stalking you or something ?”

“Yes. No. I mean, there's a guy following me around, but it's not him. I'm going to be late. Bye, Akiteru.”

Tsukishima leaves the house and his brother's mortified face to be met with Kuroo's ever so mischievous expression.

“My brother said that you look like a creep, declares Kei. He isn't wrong.”

“I didn't know that you had a brother, replies Kuroo. You should have introduced me or something.”

“Introduced you as what, exactly ? “Akiteru, I present you the guy who kissed me right after I was hit in the face by volleyball. Also, he's Nekoma volleyball team's captain.”

Kuroo has the decency to stay quiet. They walk side by side, and they probably just look like two friends making their way to the gym in the early morning. But Tsukishima knows better ; he doesn't believe for one second that Kuroo – the scheming captain, he reminds himself - was waiting for him in front of his house just because he's nice. Unless, naturally, he's actually trying to be nice.

For some reasons, the thought petrify Tsukishima.

“I don't have a clue about what you're thinking half of the time, he declares.”

Kei really do wonder what's going on inside Kuroo's brain when he sees his pleased expression.

“Does that mean that you find me mysterious ?”

“No. Just frankly weird, at best.”

“I'm not weird. Usually...I'm just a very laid-back guy.”

Tsukishima doesn't know if he's reading things the wrong way, but he has the feeling that this “usually” mean something along the lines of “when you're not involved”. He quickly dismisses the thought.

The rest of their walk is mostly silent, and even after he's changed in his volleyball jersey and he has joined the rest of his team on the court, Kei still can't bring himself to believe that Kuroo might purely have attempted to be nice this morning.

“Tsukki, you look...troubled.”

“Really, Yamaguchi ? Do I ? It's surprising, considering that there's been absolutely nothing troubling happening in my life recently. Have you told Kuroo where I live ?”

“He was curious. I figured that there was nothing wrong with that.”

“Right. I'm just going to have to change of address.”

The morning goes by quiet quickly. Admittedly, the way Kuroo seems to avoid having to face him during matches or his tendency to miss the volleyball whenever they make eye contact is unsettling.

But Tsukishima refuses to consider the possibility that maybe he's not reading things wrong at all, because he just can't bring himself to believe that Kuroo – A third year, for fuck's sake, and Nekoma volleyball team's captain – might have a little something for him. If he accepts this possibility, then, it means that he accepts that he wouldn't mind it all that much.

 

* * *

 

“Can I fake dump Tsukki ?”

At first, Yamaguchi is honestly too taken aback to answer. It's one of those things that he had never imagined hearing one day, even less so from Bokuto of all people.

“Um...well, you don't really have to, he finally replies. I mean, I'll just tell Tsukki that this whole pretend boyfriend situation is over. He'll be relieved, I think. It's...it's already nice to have accepted to help me in the first place.”

He hesitates a little before adding :

“Is it something that Tsukki said ? Or did ?”

“What ? Ah, no, it doesn't have anything to do with Saltishima. It's just...”

Yamaguchi can feel his hands getting sweaty ; it's never good when Bokuto has this kind of lost expression on his face.

“It's just that Akaashi asked me to do it, explains Bokuto. Kind of.”

“What ? You...Shit...I mean, fuck. Oh my god. I'm so sorry ! Why didn't you...you should...I didn't know that you were already going out with someone. I wouldn't have asked if...I mean...Akaashi...I didn't mean to...”

Never in his life has Tadashi wished to strangle himself with a volleyball net that badly. He's feeling lost and embarrassed, but mostly lost ; he just doesn't know who's gay and who's straight anymore. He even begins to question himself before remembering that he's dating Yachi.

“Are you trying to tell me that you think I'm going out with Akaashi ? Asks Bokuto incredulously.”

“You're not ?”

“Why would I be ?”

“I don't know. Why would Akaashi asks you to dump Tsukki if you're not ?”

Yamaguchi suspects that he's hallucinating and that he's not really discussing Bokuto's sentimental life in a corner of the court over their ten minutes break. It's the kind of thing that just doesn't happen to people like him. And yet, Bokuto's staring at him with wide eyes and an half open mouth, as if Tadashi had just revealed him the meaning of life.

“You think that Akaashi is jealous ?”

“I can't really say because I don't know him that much but...it...would make sense. I mean...What were you thinking ?”

“I thought that...Wait, no. I wasn't thinking anything actually. I just wanted Akaashi to be happy. Hey, you know what, you were actually very helpful. And nice. Yeah, you're definitely way too nice for Saltishima.”

“Not really. Tsukki is just...he grows on you, you know ?”

Yamaguchi will never learn if Bokuto knows or not, because he's already leaving with a loud “Thanks, dude !”. Tadashi is always glad to help, even if he doesn't see how he was helpful at all here, but one thing that he knows is that it'll remain one of the weirdest experience of his life.

“Bokuto looks pretty happy.”

“He is. I don't really get why, though.”

Tadashi hadn't seen Yachi, and at first, he's worried that she might have listened to their conversation. But then he remembers who he's talking about.

“It's a very strange week, observes Yachi. In a good way.”

“I don't think that everybody's having the time of their life.”

“You're right. About that...I just really wanted to tell you...that I know.”

“You know ?”

“About Tsukishima. I know that he's not really dating Bokuto. I mean, Kiyoko knew the instant she saw Tsukishima's expression when he saw Bokuto on the first day and she told me. She's really that amazing !”

Right now, it's not the adjective that would have used Yamaguchi.

“You're not mad ?”

“You meant well, didn't you ? There's no reason to be mad, then.”

Yamaguchi feels a lot of things. Relief, gratitude, but mostly, he feels dread.

“Hey, Yachi...Could you never ever tell that to Tsukki ?”

 

* * *

 

“Let's admit for one second...and it doesn't have anything to do with me, I'm just curious...let's admit that there's a guy. And this guy – he has really nothing to do with me – thinks that he's totally straight. Like, he loves girls with long black hair and nice skin. But then there's this other guy, with those great legs and fluffy hair, and the first guy is very lost because he acts really weirdly when he's around this dude....What does that mean ? I'm asking for a friend.”

It's one of the first time in his life that Kenma regrets being on the bench watching a match instead of being on the court.

“I didn't know that you had friends, says Yaku after a moment of thoughtful silence.”

“I'm asking seriously, replies Kuroo. My friend needs some major assistance.”

“I'm...How the hell are we supposed to take the fact that you think we can help ? Says Yamamoto.”

Kenma thinks that it's not such a stupid question, surprisingly. As far as he's concerned, his teammates only live for volleyball and sweat and the most serious relationship that they've had yet is with each other. Which makes Kenma think that maybe it wasn't that stupid of Kuroo to ask after all.

“I thought that we were all open minded individuals, responds Kuroo. Now, seriously. What should my friend do because the dude he's into has definitely great legs and the poor guy doesn't know what he should think about them.”

“Why doesn't he just asks the guy out ?”

“Thanks, Lev. That was useless. Next.”

“He should probably repress his feelings. That's what I do with my anger when we end up talking about this kind of nonsense.”

“That's pretty unhealthy, Kai. You should probably stop to do that. Next.”

“I don't know what to tell you, Kuroo. I guess that if I was in your...friend's position, I'd switch schools and try to forget about any memories involving the guy he's into.”

“Yaku, sometimes, you can't just run away. You have to face the facts”

“You should tell your friend to just try to talk about his feelings with this other guy.”

Kenma hates it when people stare at him, but he just couldn't help himself ; talking about corny stuffs like that makes him almost physically sick. He's tired of catching Kuroo staring at Tsukishima as if he was the greatest thing since sliced bread whenever he blocks someone's spike.

“Incredible, says Yaku. That's...actually a good advice.”

“He's not the brain of our team for nothing, adds Lev.”

Actually, Kenma thinks that his advice is barely common sense. He finds it sort of sad that it's him, the guy crippled with social anxieties, who knows best what Kuroo should do to get over his distressing crush on Tsukishima.

“Thanks, Kenma, declares Kuroo with a glance for the rest of Nekoma's players. It's good to see that there's at least one useful person on this team.”

Weirdly enough, everybody's silent at that. On the court, Hinata does a particularly nice spike after one of his impressive jump, and even Kageyama doesn't find anything to complaints about. It's the best thing about Kenma's day so far.

“Kuroo, let's be serious for two seconds, finally says Yaku. Who's the guy ?”

“I said that it's for...”

“We know that he has nice legs and fluffy hair, replies Lev. It could be about anybody. It could even be me. I have incredible legs.”

Kenma knows that it's gonna be a long day.

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe that it has something to do with my tiredness of working on my exams all day until 10 pm, but I don't really have anything to say, to be honest. Expect thank you for the nice comments, the kudos and also everybody else who just took the time to read.


	5. He's always this kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kei, this has to be a joke.”  
> “It's not. His dick face is natural, he's not even doing that on purpose.”

Secretly, Akaashi is looking forward to this stupid barbecue just as much as the others.

It's a chance to eat as much as he wants without anyone judging him, and he's very grateful to Karasuno's coach to have proposed the idea to celebrate the end of their training week.

But Akaashi won't lie : he's more than eager to go back home and pretend that those five days never actually happened. Maybe that there's a small hollow in his heart to the thought that his uncalled crush on Bokuto will remain exactly that for the for the rest of his life, but he supposes that it's something you eventually get used to.

His gloomy thoughts are interrupted when he hears hurried steps behind him : he's only half surprised to see Bokuto there when he turns around, mostly because he always seems to show up when Akaashi wishes that he doesn't.

“I've spoken with the shy dude from Karasuno. The one with the freckles. He's really nice, by the way.”

Bokuto is slightly out of breath. Akaashi doesn't really know what to think of the fact that he might have been running around the whole building just to find him. But mostly, he doesn't know what to think of what Bokuto just told him.

“That's...good to know, Bokuto.”

“No. I mean, yeah. It is. But what's really important is what we talked about.”

“And what did you talk about ?”

“You. Essentially .”

Akaashi really doesn't like where this conversation is heading. Did Bokuto somehow find out about his crush ? Was he laughing about it with Yamaguchi ? Akaashi almost lets out a nervous laughter trying to picture the scene.

“Hey, Akaashi...” Bokuto has an unusually cautious expression on his face as he speaks. “...Do you...do you love me ?”

Akaashi is angry, mostly at himself. Bus he's also angry at Yamaguchi - just a little though - because if he hadn't lied to his girlfriend in the first place, then he wouldn't be here being confronted about his ridiculous crush by Bokuto.

He's also angry at Tsukishima's mere existence because if the guy hadn't been alive, then he wouldn't have had to be jealous of Bokuto fake dating him. It's admittedly a bit more irrational.

“What does that change, at this point, that I say yes or no ?” Finally replies Akaashi. “You already know the answer anyway.”

He really doesn't know what the hell he's doing when he begins to run away. I'm screwed, he thinks. All that I have left to do is take the next plane to Switzerland and go hide as a farmer in the Alps. Akaashi tries to comfort himself by thinking that things could hardly get worst when Bokuto tackles him to the ground.

He lets out a loud and unplanned “Motherfucker” when he falls to the floor : he tries to get up, but Bokuto has his arms wrapped around his legs and he has clearly no intention to let go.

“Akaashi, I...”

“Fuck you, Bokuto.”

“And I appreciate the thought, I really do, but...”

“Let me go or I'm gonna kick you in the face and I won't be sorry if it breaks your nose.”

“I love you, Akaashi.”

“You don't. You're just saying that to be nice and try to make things less awkward even though it's too late anyway.”

“That's stupid. I wouldn't be nice if I told you that.”

Akaashi actually stops to struggle. He hates it when Bokuto say something clever, because it always takes him by surprise. They're both perfectly silent for a solid minute.

“You're great, Akaashi,” Says Bokuto with a quiet ton that doesn't fit him at all. “I know that I can be a bit annoying sometimes, with my mood swings and all...but you don't mind. I'm grateful, you know ? I wouldn't lie to you about something like loving you.”

“Please, stop to compliment me that naturally. It's unsettling.”

Bokuto crawls next to Akaashi. They're still on the floor, looking into each other eyes, and, really, who knew that lying in a corridor could be that romantic ?

“I can't believe that I have to see that with my own two eyes.”

Akaashi is beginning to wonder if Konoha is following them around to catch him and Bokuto in the most compromising situation possible.

“Can't any of you guys read the atmosphere ?” Complaints Bokuto.

He laboriously stands up and offers his hand to Akaashi, who cautiously accepts it. It was a mistake, he understands when he sees that Bokuto has no intention to let go of it, even now that he standing up : he clears his throat awkwardly in an attempts to say “There's someone watching so could you please let go of my hand before I make you let go ?”

Konoha waves his hand dismissively at that.

“It's ok, Akaashi. As long as you don't begin to give each other cheesy nicknames on the court, I could hardly care less about you two being together. But I'm pretty sure that last thing I heard, you were going out with the glasses dude from Karasuno, Bokuto. ”

“Ah, Tsukki ? But that was...fake. You guys knew that, right ?”

“No. I don't know. Probably. I'm a little lost. So that means that glasses dude isn't going out with anyone, in the end ?”

“I don't know. It all depends on Kuroo, to be honest.”

“What ?”

* * *

 

“I saw Kuroo trip on his own feet when we were talking together and you laughed at Hinata trying to drink from the wrong end of his water bottle.”

Tsukishima is certain that Yamaguchi is trying to imply something there. He just doesn't know what. He doesn't know either how Tadashi managed to put that much slices of meat on his plate without making it fall.

“So what ?” Says Tsukishima, “I have nothing to do with his incapacity to walk straight. Or to be straight.” He adds after a second of hesitation.

“That's the point. I think that you have quiet a lot to do with both.”

Once again, Kei is taken aback by Yamaguchi's boldness. He supposes that what he feels right now is what a parent must feel when he sees his child gains self-confidence and become a little shit in the process.

He's annoyed that Tadashi feels the need to talk to him about Kuroo, mostly because now that Bokuto finally got tired with this fake boyfriend relationship, he thought that he could finally live a peaceful existence again.

“I mean...Tsukki, honestly. You told me that Kuroo kissed you out of nowhere, and...”

“It happens, all right ? Jesus, I should never have told you about that.”

“How does that just happen ? Tsukki, I'm telling you that Kuroo does really weird stuffs when you're involved.”

Tsukishima knows. He just doesn't want to think about it. It feels strange and foreign to imagine that someone could actually love him despite knowing that he's constantly apathetic and generally an awful person to be around.

He just doesn't understand. And like always when he doesn't understand, he's suspicious.

“I'm glad that you're finally gaining confidence, Yamaguchi. I really am. Now, if you could avoid to use it to invade my nonexistent love life, that would be even better.”

“Do you mind if I sit there ?”

Yamaguchi gasps when he sees Kuroo's lanky silhouette before him. Tsukishima just thinks, Here we go again.

“I mind, actually.” Says Kei just as Tadashi responds “Sure, no problem.”

Kuroo decides to listen to Yamaguchi : Tsukishima watches him proceed to sit in the small space between him and Tadashi with some sort of incredulous fascination. He doesn't even know what to say when they're all sitting on the small stone staircase, Yamaguchi looking frankly outraged and Kuroo, laid back as usual, holding a large plate of watermelon slices on his knees.

“So what are you guys up to ?” Asks Kuroo. “You kinda look like a pair of grandma, gossiping far from the agitation like that. But I gotta say, it's a very nice spot you've got there. In the shade. Far from indiscreet ears. Really nice. That would be a really good place to have a talk with a certain someone.”

Yamaguchi is too polite to sigh deeply, but the thought is there. He shots Tsukishima an apologizing side glance before leaving him behind with Kuroo on their stone staircase. Kei is distressed to notice that he's the only one feeling the awkward silence that settled between them : Kuroo is merely chewing on a piece of watermelon with a thoughtful expression.

“You know...I've been thinking quiet a lot, lately.”

“Congrats.”

“And I've had to do stuffs that I really didn't want to. Like ask Kenma for love advices, for example. He's really good at that, don't ask me why.”

“I wish I could say the same for Yamaguchi.”

Tsukishima really doesn't want to be there. He's bad at discussing about silly things like emotions : he realizes that he could just stand up and leave Kuroo there with his plate of watermelon and his repressed feelings, but it doesn't feel right.

“Tsukki.”

“...Yeah ?”

“I think that I really like you.”

“Oh.”

It's all that Tsukishima finds to say. He's much more used to people telling him “I think that I really hate you”, and he just wishes that Kuroo could have stick to this pattern.

“There's not a lot to love about me.” Finally says Kei. “Ok, if this is some kind of fucked up bet with Bokuto I won't hesitate to kick your ass.”

“Now that's just offensive. I'm not that evil. Beside, there's plenty to love about you. You're smart. You can do about whatever you set your mind to, when you want. I'm sure that there has to be some sort of kindness hidden somewhere in your chest. Or maybe that your heart really does look like a dried raisin. Regardless, you have great hair and your glasses definitely suits you well. Aren't you just the perfect guy ?”

Kuroo's usually mischievous eyes are as honest as can be. More than flattered, Tsukishima is frankly bewildered.

“I don't understand,” He replies stubbornly. “I've been nothing but awful to you.”

“Well, what do you want me to tell you ? Seeing you happy makes me happy. It disgusts me to say this kind of cheesy stuffs out loud, but I'm doing it anyway. And you know why ? Because I always do exactly the opposite of what I had planned when I'm around you.”

At this point, Kuroo is actually standing up, his plate of watermelons dropped on the grass. Tsukishima is too offended to laugh at the scene or be concerned about the fact that people are watching them curiously. He stands up as well, just because he's used to his height being a major help whenever he has a confrontation with someone : it won't really be useful there, though, he realizes a bit too late.

“And what were you planning to do by sitting there and telling me that you like me, anyway ?”

“Well that's the point ! I never planned to do that !”

Tsukishima vaguely sees Daichi and Suga walking toward them – they've never looked more like a pair of concerned parents, he thinks – and that's when he suspects that they must be yelling at each other more loudly than he had imagined.

“Ok, you know what, Tsukki ? Fuck it. I love you.”

“Fine, then ! I love you too.”

Daichi actually trips on the grass. He manages to hold onto Suga, who looks petrified. Kei hears Lev yelling something to his other team mates about having found the guy with the fluffy hair. He hazily wonders if he should be offended to have such an awful nickname. But then Kuroo's starring at him and the rest doesn't really matter all that much anymore. 

"It's not that bad that you do unpredictables stuffs around me after all."

* * *

 

“...And this is how we got together.”

In all honestly, Akiteru has learned way more about Kei with this story than he did in the past five years. He was blissfully unaware that his baby brother had been dating a guy for a couple of months now, or that the guy happened to be the one he saw a few months ago and found utterly creepy, or even that the said guy is also two years older than his brother.

Kuroo – _Tetsuro_ Kuroo, and Akiteru immediately decides that he hates the name – neutral expression seems to be smug, but it might just as well be purposely that irritating. Akiteru just doesn't know, and it unnerves him even more.

“Kei, this has to be a joke.”

“It's not. His dick face is natural, he's not even doing that on purpose.”

The little tray of biscuits on the table seems useless to Akiteru now. If he had know what his brother meant when he said that he had something important to tell him, he certainly wouldn't have made tea either.

It's not that he's mad at Kei, because in all honestly he thought that his brother was going out with Yamaguchi – and he sort of liked the idea, because Tadashi is a nice kid who has a good influence on his brother. The problem is _this_ guy.

“Kuroo, don't take it the wrong way, but I'm feeling the irrepressible need to grab this biscuits tray and repeatedly hit your sneaky face with it.”

“And I respect that. That's not the first time someone tells me this, actually.”

Akiteru can see his brother rolling his eyes, as if he had actually expected the conversation to happen and just thinks “Here we go.” He wonders for a brief second if he's really that predictable.

“All right,” Says Akiteru. “To be fair with you, Kuroo, you do sound like a nice guy, but...”

“Don't worry, Akiteru,” Replies Kei with a dismissive wave of the hand. “He's always this kind.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where this fic comes from since I haven't posted any in a long time and I don't even know how I ended up in the Haikyuu fandom in the first place...I was kinda traumatized by volleyball in high school, like I'm literally 5 feet tall and I have zero skills in sport so yeah that was a nightmare.  
> But anyway.  
> In retrospective, it's more of a getting together kinda fic than anything else. But it was fun writing it and I really, really appreciate all the comments and kudos.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if anybody reads the notes, but if you do, I'd just like to let you guys know that english isn't my first language. Even though I'm theoretically bilingual, I might still have made some stupid mistakes. 
> 
> That apart, I'm letting you know that I'm pretty clueless about Japanese holiday. I don't know if anybody would actually sacrifice his golden week for volleyball matches, but considering how much into it they are, I just thought "why the hell not." Also, you'll notice that I'm not writing much about Yachi and Yamaguchi, purely because my little gay hands are incapable to write straight romance.


End file.
